This time.  This time I will do it differently. This time I know what to watch out for. This time I will take the rent money and sell all the dope I buy with the rent money to double the money–I won’t use that dope. This time I really will leave on time even if I haven’t found a vein–I can wait to do the shot. This time I will bring the dope with me but I won’t do it at work in the bathroom–I will wait.

• The words “this time” are clear indicators that no major changes in behavior are in the works. The addict wants to do the same thing but tweak it for the desired outcome. What’s sad is the addict believes these words. It was only when I realized my mind could not be trusted that I learned to ignore my reasoning. For example, if I spend the rent money on dope it will be gone. I cannot be trusted. No matter what I tell myself.